my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
