My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
