Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just high enough for therapy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize