you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently the secret to your success is patron
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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