i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
