So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
