I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it fun? or sober?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
