literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
