I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
