If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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