i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
