Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
