remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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