Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize