Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
only you would photoshop your dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize