i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
