The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
