last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize