lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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