what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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