I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
