I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
