I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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