SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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