Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
