just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
