3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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