Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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