Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
