How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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