Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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