apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize