He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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