This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
