I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Duck Duck Cougar?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
