her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my god I love twenty year old dicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
