i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just puked most of my soul out..
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