I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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