one might say we're banned from that church
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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