found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
