I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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