this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize