Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
