You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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