Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
