Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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