Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
