Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
