Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i came on her dog
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
