YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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