my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I forget how to act sober
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
