Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
