I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize