I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
