Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
