if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
