Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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