No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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