I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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