Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
