the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
