I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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