he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
