is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
