matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
