then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im holly from the hills drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
