Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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