Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Did I show you my penis last night?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
